Fairness in personal blogging… My personal perspective
Someone whom I have ranted about on a few occasions (slightly embarrassed smile) mentioned to me a while back that they’d seen this blog. I’ve had time to think about it, think about the people who I’ve written about, and what I’ve had to say, and felt that I would write this post publicly.
I am sorry if I’ve hurt anyone’s feelings here. It is certainly not my intention. This blog has wandered for a while now, and for the most part, I’ve protected the identities of those who I’ve written about. Will people recognize themselves? Yes, absolutely. And if they’ve come here via my business website, they’ll know who I am, and might be able to guess who the other players in this blog are IF they know me personally, as well. But this is my life. It’s how I feel at the time that I write the post. Over times, and with other circumstances, those feelings may change, they may soften, or they may harden. But what I’ve written is truth, with protected identities, so I won’t apologize for it. I will say that I have never, and will never, spread rumors, or been maliciously cruel to those in my life or somehow attached to my life, no matter how tenuous that thread is. Even reading back over these posts, I don’t see that I’ve ever done that. It’s not who I am, not who I will ever be. But there will be times where I am harsh, because I feel that way at the moment.
A little about me… I am not a judgmental person. I am not unfeeling, hard-hearted, or cruel. I’ve had bad things happen in my life, and I’ve had good things happen in my life. I try to blog about both, for a balanced perspective. But I will admit, over the last three years, there have been more bad days than good. I’ve had several very heavy burdens of court cases, custody disputes, visitation disputes, arguments with exes (mine and his), family members passing away unexpectedly, problems with kids’ attitudes, issues with jobs… the list could go on and on and on. At the same time, I have been blessed with a family that although they may not understand me, they love me and support me. I have been blessed with relatively good health and improving health of those closest to me… whether physical or emotional.
What prompted me to write this? I guess it’s easiest explained by the fact that I was able to reconnect to some very good mutual friends my ex and I had prior to our divorce. They asked about my ex-husband, and I was very encouraging of putting them together, didn’t say anything “bad” about him, didn’t try in any way to negatively influence their contact with him. Was excited about talking with them. I messaged my ex, letting him know to expect contact from them, conveyed my excitement about it, and he responded with a thank you, and let me know that he had already talked to them. After that? Nothing… I’ve sent messages to each of the people involved… and have not had a single response. It hurts to know that something he would say about me… again, 10 years later… would cause them to just decide not to talk to me. But more than that, it hurts that they would decide that there’s only one side of the story, and that they would “choose sides”. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they’ve just all been very busy the last month… It’s only happened twice before with all of our former mutual friends, and it hurt both times then… but that was back when the divorce was fresh… back when things were still being said… so it was a little more understandable that there would be a “choosing of sides”. Now? Well, I’m a big girl… and I’ll put my big girl panties on and get over it. But I’m sad to know that it has to be this way.
Anyways, between that & the comment that the person made regarding this post, it just got me to thinking about it… being fair in a blog, posting when you’re upset or angry, and need to vent… I still don’t really think I’ve done anything wrong. As I said before, I protected the identity of the people that I’ve posted about to the best of my ability, I’ve not attacked their character on anything other than the issue at hand, and I’ve left comments open if they chose to post a rebuttal. I’ve only recently begun to link this blog to where people that actually know me can see it. Will I be more aware that people I know might read the blog? Yes. Will that make me censor some of my thoughts more carefully? Perhaps. Will it change my mind, or make me less apt to post about something of significance? Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. I am not ashamed of my life, of my thoughts or my feelings on the subjects I’ve posted so far… and that won’t change. As I’ve said before, I haven’t attacked anyone, and I haven’t said anything that wasn’t true… So maybe it won’t. Do I purposely hurt someone? No.
What are your thoughts?
Avatar 3D
OK, so we took the kiddos to Avatar last night (we do movies about once a month, since we don’t ever go out otherwise…lol). It cost a small fortune… which is why we don’t do it often, I guess… but it was incredibly worth it!!! The movie is nearly 3 hours long, but even the kiddos didn’t get restless until the last few minutes. The 3D is so much better than 80’s 3D movies… can’t wait to see more of this new digital 3D. They had some great trailers.
Avatar’s story was touching and well-done with great rounded characters. You’re immediately immersed in this story, discovering a wonderful, beautiful new world, new technology and meeting the people of Earth as well as the natives of Pandora. I can’t do a thorough review of this movie, as I have to admit that I was so caught up in it that I wouldn’t be able to do a review justice without at least one more viewing.
The boys have been super-excited about Avatar all day, wanting to know if we can see it again (we’ll be buying it on DVD when it comes out, for sure)… playing and pretending (mom… what’s the name of the place they were at?), and talking all about it.
Have you seen it? Did you see it in 3D or not? What did you think?
Family Update
So, in November, my family went through a total upheaval. As I’ve spoken about before, C2 decided he wanted to come live with us. So we got him moved in, started fixing up his room, got him started in school. Brought up his grades, worked with him on homework, got information and planning to get him enrolled in 4H (archery). He planned to visit his mom three weeks before Thanksgiving. That weekend we had ice on the roads. His mom insisted on us coming to meet her. My husband eventually texted her that he was not going to put his family at risk that way, and that he would appreciate it if she didn’t put Chris at risk, either. We rescheduled for the next weekend. My grandmother passed away that weekend, so my husband called C2’s mom to let her know that she could come pick him up or we would need to re-schedule for Thanksgiving weekend. By Thanksgiving weekend, I was in no condition to be driving 6+ hours. My husband let her know that he was very sorry, and that if she wanted to come pick Chris up, he had no issues with that, but there was just no way that we could meet her that weekend.
The next weekend, we do meet her, as we had re-scheduled. Chris decides on his way out the door to take a bunch of his stuff with him… nowhere near all of his stuff, but a lot of it. Both my husband and I wondered about it, but felt that he wouldn’t lie to us, so when he told us that he wanted to take some of his stuff that he wasn’t really playing with back to his mom’s and bring some more clothes back, we shrugged our shoulders and allowed it. We met his mom & her boyfriend, made plans to meet them again on Sunday and said goodbye.
On Saturday, my oldest decided she was coming down for a few days the next day. She offered to allow C2’s mom to drop him off where she was (less than 1 hour from her), instead of the 3 hour drive to meet us. My husband called his mother, and she was fine with that. We agreed that she’d drop C2 off with my daughter by noon. At 10 minutes until noon, my husband gets a text message “C2 doesn’t want to come back and I don’t think it’s best either so I”.
Can you imagine the shock? The pure pissedoff-edness of the three people involved (including my oldest as she had been ready to go for 2 hours)? My husband tried to call her to discuss it, she wouldn’t answer the phone. He tried texting her, to no avail. No response whatsoever for 3 days. We had a signed agreement from her, as well as a verbal agreement, that our current situation would last until at least the end of the school year. Now here we were, just a couple of weeks before Christmas (when he was supposed to come with us to Florida to meet his family there, many of whom he has never met before)!!! So, after some careful thought and a lot of decisions, we gave her a deadline to contact us, sent her an email letting her know that we felt that she was hiding him from us. We received a phone call from her within a day. She allowed us to talk to him for about 20 minutes. That’s it. Today is the start of the second week in January, and my husband has talked to his son 3 times. She refuses to answer the phone, doesn’t respond to text messages, and he has used the phone only during times that she is within 5 feet of him. We are not allowed to see him, not allowed to visit with him. So we did the only thing we can do, to protect his right to see his family and protect my husband’s right to see his son… a son that she already stripped him of 12 years with!!!! We’ve filed for temporary orders to be issued. We’re requesting temporary custody, but will be happy just to have temporary visitation orders. We go to court on January 20th.
I’m so mad about this that it’s unbelievable. I know I’ve said this about my ex-husband in the past, and it was true then. Hopefully it’s not anymore… But now I have to deal with this same crap all over again!! How is it that a mother can only worry about herself, use her child to get what she wants, and not concern herself in the least about what’s best for her child? She didn’t bother herself to make sure he was doing his homework before… she hasn’t gotten him involved in any after-school activities… he doesn’t have health insurance (we have his paperwork in hand, IF he’s still living with us)… his welfare and well-being has rarely (if ever) crossed her mind, as long as she was getting what she wanted. Yet now, all of the sudden, she’s willing to help him with his homework. He’s still not involved in any activities. He’s still calling his dad when his mom isn’t aware, telling him how bored he is, telling him how they don’t do anything… telling him how he’s left alone for hours on end. So why would she make the decision to keep him there, when here, he had plenty of attention, was getting homework help, was getting involved in clubs at school, in after-school activities, and learning?
OK, enough of a rant for today. The point is that now we have another couple of weeks before that court hearing, and then we’ll at the very least have temporary orders and she’ll have to allow him to see us.
I just don’t understand… I’m a mother who raised my daughter to an adult, raised my son until he was 11, this past August. I’m raising my twin 5-year-olds. My older boy wanted to go live with his dad, and once I was assured that he would be well taken care of, I allowed. It’s something that’s still not easy for me… I have days when I want nothing more than to go beg that judge to allow me to “take it back”… to tell him that I want to raise him. But as we had a lot of problems with my daughter’s attitude as a teenager, I also realize that if it’s what he really wants, and he’s going to be well-taken-care-of, there’s no reason and it’s not good to force him to accept what’s always been. It’s a part of growing up, both on the part of the child as well as the parent, to know that. So why is it that this mother (who has not only a grown daughter, but even a small grandchild), can’t see this? Why is it that she’ll manipulate and emotionally endanger her own son, by trying to force her wants on him, rather than allow that we might be the ones right now to better raise him? Do you know in the first 3 weeks here, what I heard over and over and over again from him was how much he loved it here, because we actually paid attention to him… talked to him…and he wasn’t used to that.
{RANT OVER}
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
So I disappeared for the entire month of December, didn’t I? For those 3 of you that read my blog (hahahaha), I must apologize. I really didn’t mean to. But I’m reorganizing, adjusting, and all those fun things we do at the end of a year and the beginning of a new one.
So, I apologize and hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas (or whatever your holiday might be) and a very Happy New Year!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!
Just a quick note to tell everyone Happy Thanksgiving!! Hope you have a great one!
Applying for a Contributing Writer job
I’ve just applied for two Contributing Writer jobs. I’d enjoy both of them, but one in particular is about games. Not the World of Warcraft games (which is not my cup of tea), but the games on myspace and Facebook (which I got very addicted to, and only recently decided not to play anymore…LOL). But it’s something that’s fun and interactive, and something I feel that I can write about with expertise and have fun with. As with nearly all writing jobs, it seems almost too good to be true… get paid for writing? and getting paid for writing about something that I actually have a lot of fun doing? … oh, this is heaven!… 
So, cross your fingers for me, or pray for me, if you’re so inclined. I’m desperately wanting to get back to work (as in actually earning an income) and this would be step one to combine that with something that I LOVE doing. So prayers, good wishes, karmic thoughts, or whatever is your cup of tea, would really be appreciated right now!
But it also gave me an idea, and made me wonder how many people out there would be interested in hints, tips and tricks from someone playing Mafia Wars, Vampire Wars, Castle Age, etc. Raise your hand… ermmm… leave me a comment, that is… if you’re interested. Maybe I’ll devote a few days to that…
For my mom: Don’t Think of Her as Gone Away
Don’t think of her as gone away-
Her journey’s just begun,
Life holds so many facets-
This earth is only one.
Just think of her as resting from
The sorrows and the tears,
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days, no years.
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today,
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched…
For nothing loved is ever lost-
And she was loved so much.
E. Brenneman
This is beginning to look like a poetry blog, but please bare with me… My grandmother, my Nanny, passed away tonight. Two years ago, she had to have surgery, and after things were very touch and go for a while… During that time, my mother found this poem. She emailed it to me, hoping that it wouldn’t be needed for many years, but wanting to have it for when it was needed. I thought it was beautiful then, and although it was needed too early (IMHO), it did my heart good to read it tonight… I know that she is with my aunt (her youngest daughter who passed at the tender age of 36 in 1998), my cousin (her grandaughter who passed just 4 months ago at the age of 31), as well as her own parents, sister and other family members, and I know she is free from all pain. Of course that doesn’t make me wish she wasn’t here with us still… But I suppose that’s my selfishness. I will miss her terribly, as I still do my aunt (tanta, German for aunt), and as I do my cousin, and grandparents, and other family members that have gone before her. So, thank you mom for giving this gift into my safekeeping and giving me a slightly lightened heart for this evening. Thank you E. Brenneman for putting into words the faith that we need to work through our grief. And thank YOU for taking the time to read this post in remembrance of my Nanny…
Lay Down Your Burden by Colleen Crangle
Lay down your burden
Lay it all down
Pass the glass between you
Drink it up
Place the Light before you
Come through the door
The dragon doesn’t live here anymore
Sing with the choirs that surround you
Dance to the music in your soul
Look into the eyes that really see you
Place all that you have into that bowl
O lay down your burden
Lay it all down
Pass the glass between you
Drink it up
Place the Light before you
Come through the door
The dragon doesn’t live here anymore
Although my faith has faltered some this year, and to me, this poem is about faith, it still resonates deeply with me. I think it’s the part about singing with the choir and dancing to the music in your soul. I’ve only just started the book, but I’ve flipped back time and again to read the poem, so I thought I would share. Hope you’ve enjoyed it. Let me know what you think…
Twins in pre-k
I’m waiting on the pre-k bus to arrive, anxious to see my just-turned-five-year-olds. They’ve been excited about going to school this last week. When we’ve picked them up the last few days, they are tripping over their words, each trying to be the one to tell us about their day. I still wonder sometimes if it wouldn’t have been better to homeschool them, but the worry lessens each day… I can always make that choice later if it will be better for them. For now, I’ll enjoy seeing how thrilled they are meeting other kids their age, learning from a teacher, and going to the big kids school…
Doing homework, but easily distracted… so, updates
Got C2 enrolled in school today here in Victoria. As this is potentially a temporary situation, I didn’t push too hard for homeschooling. Already wondering if I should have, but if he does choose to go back to mom’s after the school year’s over, I will feel much more confident in the decision to have him in public school. So, we’ll see…
By the same token, we decided to enroll the twins in Pre-K at the elementary school, too. After being home for 6 months, and possibly being home a while more, I think it’s a great idea. It’s just 3 hours each day, and it gets them back into a structured environment. At the same time, I’ve got a bit of separation anxiety. These are my babies… do I really want them in school almost a year before they HAVE to go? 
OK, back to geography and the history of Somalia. I love being back in school… I really do. But some of these textbooks put me to sleep!!! I think I’ll do better when some of the classes that I will be teaching are in my schedule! Can’t wait to take Astronomy and Oceanography. But for now, it’s Social Sciences and after this, it’s Humanity… then we’ll see what else can be pulled into this semester.
Til next time…
